HELP!
I can't do this anymore! I know I have dug this hole for myself, even after receiving a ton of good advice. I just kept letting it go and thinking it isn't so terrible the way it is and now I have reached a breaking point and I just can't do it anymore. I need some good advice and a lot of support to dig my way back out again!
Let me give you and example of how my nights go:
Around 6:30 I take Riley upstairs to get ready for bed. I love his bedtime routine, and I feel like he really likes it too. It is as follows:
I give him a bath (he LOVES the water), wrap him in a towel and brush his three little teeth, put on a fresh diaper and give him a quick massage while I lotion him up, change him into his jammies, nurse him for about 10 minutes, read two bedtime books, turn off the light, snuggle him close to me while I sing him a quick lullaby, tell him it is "Sleepytime" (I use this word when I lay him down for naps too), lay him in his bed, hand him his lovey, put his blanket on him and leave the room by about 7:00.
Now, he usually cries for about one to two minutes and then falls asleep. The nice thing is that I feel that we have developed a decent bedtime routine so there isn't a lot, if any, drama.
So after Riley goes to sleep I am FREE! I am not someone who stays up really late and I am usually in bed no later than 10:00.
Here is how my night went Sunday night and again last night:
Sunday night:
I went to bed about 9:30
Riley woke up at 9:46, nursed to sleep and was back in bed by 9:52
woke at 11:30, back to sleep by 11:38
woke at 1:36, back to sleep by 1:46
woke at 2:56, back to sleep by 3:13
woke at 4:56, back to sleep by 5:20
(I get up at 5:00 to workout, so after that I am "off-duty" and Gary takes care of him. He changes his super wet diaper and either takes Riley back to bed with him or pops him in his swing, then Riley will usually wake up for the day around 7:00)
Last night:
I went to bed at 10:00
Riley woke up at 10:10, back to sleep by 10:25
woke at 11:15, back to sleep by 11:30
woke at 2:10, back to sleep by 2:27
woke at 4:25, back to sleep by 4:35
at this point Jack decided that he needed to go potty, I threw a little hissy fit about it, but took him out anyway
Riley woke again at 4:50, but I didn't go straight into his room and he was quiet by 4:52
We obviously have a problem
Waking up every two hours isn't good for anyone, including a baby.
Now, this is some of the reasoning that got me into this fix in the first place:
-Getting up to nurse him at night doesn't take a lot of effort or brainpower and it is the quickest and quietest way to get him back to sleep. It usually takes about 10-15 minutes, there is almost no crying and it is a surefire way to get him back to sleep.
-His whole life we have lived in an apartment or condo and share walls with our neighbors whom I would rather not disturb throughout the night with Riley's crying
-I am one of those lucky people that can almost instantly go back to sleep. Almost the minute my head hits the pillow I am out. And though I would prefer to have eight full hours of sleep, I function surprisingly well on this interrupted sleep schedule.
-Some might say, "Why doesn't Gary get up with him at night?" Well, really it is because Gary spends his workday in a car driving all over town and I didn't want him to be driving sleepy.
I have read several books on getting your baby to sleep more at night. The book that I really liked, appropriately titled "Sleeping Through the Night" is based on many sleep studies that have been done and she said that once you establish a good bedtime routine and your baby learns to comfort himself to sleep at bedtime then over the next two to three weeks they should begin to sleep longer at night, comforting themselves back to sleep as they wake at night, and eventually they will sleep all the way through the night. She said that until this happens, when they wake just put them back to sleep the way you normally do, which is what I have been doing, but it hasn't exactly worked out that way.
Some people would suggest that I just bite the bullet and let him cry it out. I just can't bring myself to do this. He is obviously used to eating and used to being comforted throughout the night. And even though I know that he can't spend his whole life with the feeling of a full belly all night long, I also can't bring myself to make him quit cold-turkey like that. What a rude awakening! Isn't there anything just a little more gentle than that? Okay, I know the answer to that question is to nurse him for a few minutes less each night until eventually he is only nursing for a few short minutes and then I can cut him off completely. I guess the reason I haven't done that yet is because it would require me to wake up even more and use some brainpower at 2 AM to keep track of how many minutes he has nursed. And then I know that I would cut down his nursing time and put him back into bed screaming and then I would go to bed and listen to his crying (which has gotten louder now that he is older and has found his "voice") and all kinds of horrible thoughts would run through my mind like, "Is this going to completely change our relationship by letting him scream for me and not answering him?", and "I'm sure my neighbors are wide awake now!", and "Is this really necessary? Won't he eventually just learn to sleep through the night on his own?"
I think what I really need is a firm plan and a lot of cheerleading. I need to be re-assured that I won't be "ruining" my relationship with my baby if I don't answer his cry for me.
5 comments:
Who knew parenting would be this complicated, right? I can't help you with the nursing at night issue, but I can tell you that we did the cry it out method for Matson to fall asleep on his own, and he still loves both of us. We ended up doing it twice because his schedule got all screwed up once, but it took only one or two nights of crying for about 20 minutes each times for him to get back on schedule. I personally think it was easier to push through the hardness of listening to him cry while he was young, than to let them get in a habit and have to deal with it at a much later date, when they are more likely to remember it. Hope this helps, but I really hope someone else will be able to give you better advice. Good luck!
I have a few suggestions... Don't know if they are good ones but here ya go! :) First of all - I did let Ryan cry it out and it did not change our relationship one bit! Rylie will be ok crying. Sure it's loud and u may even find yourself crying but he will learn to comfort himself. So here is what I'm thinking if u don't want to go cold turkey. When Rylie wakes up nurse him every other time you go in his room. When u go in there and it's not a nursing time - comfort him without the boob :). Thus way he will get used to not eating every 2 hours.
Really the thing that worked for us is letting Ryan figure it out himself. He needed to figure out how he could comfort himself without mommy. This is a while lot harder for you than it is for your son. Good luck and hope u get some sleep soon!!!
Stop nursing at night, but still go in to comfort him for a week or so. Then just let him cry. I was worried that I would damage little Rosie's tender heart by letting her cry, but now I'm sure that I have done her an even greater disservice by not teaching her to sleep when she was little. I thought I could get around sleep training, and put it off. Now I have a three year old with terrible sleep habits (which is even worse than a baby, because she can get out her bed and yell things like, "mama,I need you!"
Here are my thoughts, hopefully something will work. I think Riley is certainly old enough to sleep all night with out having to nurse so like Lisa said when he wakes up go in an comfort him, but don't nurse him. If you go in and lay him back down and sing the same some you sing when putting him down at bedtime and say it's sleepy time, and maybe hold his hand or rub his back until he is calmed down. This way you are still comforting him and laying him back down tells him he needs to stay in his bed and it's not time to get out, for nursing or anything else. And like everybody has said this is harder for you then him. It won't affect your relationship, and it will pay off when he gets older.
I hope this helps.
Hi Bliss,
Yes, it's a low point to let them cry. I tried everything I could think of to avoid it, and now I really regret it. I believe the older the baby is, the longer it takes to "retrain" them that they can fall asleep on their own.
I also agree that you should stop nursing when you go in -- comfort should come from mom, not from food. With Samuel, we finally decided to let him start crying, but we would go in to comfort him. Now, if he wakes up, I don't go in his room until he has cried for a few minutes because he can typically soothe himself back to sleep.
Whatever you and Gary decide, good luck. Sleep training has been the hardest thing so far for us. :)
Post a Comment